TERRIBLE MISTAKE

I shall say no more. 

Anyway, there is no use crying over spilt milk. 

I am amazed by how fast I can calm myself down, after informing my most beloved person. Yes that helps. That helps take away the control of Sadness on my mind, and hand the panel to Fear, Anger and Disgust, to the exact suitable extent. Joy slyly takes a little bit handle, telling me what possible stuff I could still do. Thing goes badly, but that is just not the worst. 

Yet, I still wish I can gain full access to the entire Curse Word Library. 

隨便

呵。原來這一切是可以這樣的兒戲。

真的，是我太認真嗎？但，這是我的原則；這是我的堅持。這是我的執著。因為我覺得這是態度，而這是重要的；這是會影響人的。我就是不怕得罪別人；我會繼續做我認為是對的事。

這就是我的稜角。

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Who want change? *everyone raises hand*

Who want to change? *no one raises hand*

回報

我不會讓你們知道，我有多感動。

儘管我知道是一頂又一頂的高帽，但聽下去時禁不住笑的同時，是熱淚盈眶。當然，我是不會讓你們知道的。

沒有人說過這是容易的事。我知道。我從來都知道。幾多埋怨、幾多不滿、幾多勞騷；幾多失望、幾多洩氣、幾多崩潰；幾多迷失、幾多茫然、幾多無助；再多再多辛酸血汗，也及不上這一刻的感動。能夠伴隨大家成長，是一件最快樂的事。

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席間不少老鬼，我這個大學也未唸完的人，跟別人說感觸甚麼的、跟別人說十年甚麼的，好像有一點可笑。

大十年也沒有甚麼了不起，就只是早出生十年而已。

但我還不過是二十二歲。如果到二十四歲時，仍然活躍在這個圈子裏的話，那我就將會是把「半生」都投進了童軍。哈。但，計算那麼多，也是沒意義呢。

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其實應該沒有人會一開始就想像到自己會付出幾多、留守多久。

*

我也知道，問題天天都多。咬緊牙關吧。

Tick Tick.

One tick. Two ticks. Turn blue.

Perfect reply. Just perfect. Simply flawless.

*

They turn blue. They turn me blue.

Something Small

Every day will be a big pile of bullshit if I focus on only problems I have come across.

- That suddenly-broken-down external hard disk.
- Those never-replying and always-busy kids.
- Things that I do not enjoy but have to do.
- Things that others do not enjoy but I have to make them do.

Many many of them if I have to recount every piece of them.

But life is not the summation of every problem, they say. Or at least, that is not the meaning of life. The meaning of life is the summation of every tiny little event that makes ones happy.

- The hard disk worked again with no apparent reasons.
- The introvert kid finally dared to phone me (because I came late lol).
- The same introvert kid shared with me his experience last week.
- The patrol leader frankly and boldly told me his and his patrol's thoughts.
- Some scouts that I taught in Astronomy course still remember me and called me Fan Sir.
- One of them asked for more posts on the Astro Club Facebook page.
- Girl scout from QCOBASS feeling proud when coming across Scout and Scouter from QC.
- She shared her pride on Facebook and we became friends.
- A very big glass of iced lemon tea.
- Having meals with my family.
- Listened to George Lam in TVB.
- Having a group of enthusiastic scouters to share my frustration with.
- Still alive.

- And you. My irreplaceably lovable girlfriend.

Recollect those small things. It is always something small that build something big. And, look at them. What more can I ask for? 

Give and Take

I can do nothing if you wish only to take but not to give. How much more you are going to take from me?